Monday, November 16, 2015


Feeling lost and forgetful.  I think I lost a baritone guitar in my most recent move.  If there was one guitar I would keep it would have been that one.  Served me right, I wasn't playing it.  As much as I try to switch instruments, I'm unable.  The bass guitar, for better or worse, is my instrument.

Why do they make regular guitars with the strings so close together anyway?  Why are the strings so skinny?  Where is the low end?  I thought I could start playing the baritone guitar and then I would not have to listen to people say, endlessly:

1.)  Hey do you play the upright bass?

2.)  You play the bass like a guitar, why don't you just get a guitar?

3.)  quote:  "Slappin' da bass.  Slappin' da bass."

Just not moving with any semblance of confidence lately.  I'll leave my hatch open.  I'll forget my keys.  I'll leave my credit card at the coffeeshop.  I'm just trying to keep my head down and not look at people, mentally recite what I'm going to do before I do it.  Not sure why this is happening right now.  Possible reasons for this "shakey jake," syndrome I am experiencing:

1.)  Shot off AK-47, did a few shots and drank too much at Eske's, proceeded to complain about the state of music in this town to my "drinking friends," somewhat obnoxiously. 

2.)  Feeling love-lorn over latest breakup with long time girlfriend, sort of, or even ex-girlfriend in Portland.

3.)  There is the sense that I am on autopilot, just a shell, going through some appropriate beneficial motions I merely THINK will be beneficial for me.  Honestly, I've never been able to use my heart as much of a compass for effective decision making.  Most things seem to turn out not the way I planned them anyway.  But I had some sort of faith, not actually wrong, that I was being guided towards something greater.  And all the bad choices I made were actually just a way of refining my choosing mechanism.  It's like Blake says:  "If the fool would persist in his folly he would become wise."  Some people think I'm wise.  Most people think I'm a wise ass.  Feel like I broke into somebody's closet, stole all their clothes and started wearing them so nobody would ever notice who I really was.  And I realized, I wasn't spending time with anybody that gave a damn about me.  I realized I wasn't engaged in any activities, apart from being in nature, that really satisfied my soul.  Pleasing other people didn't seem to be happening either.  I've been on this hamster wheel of good intentions and I haven't reached these kinds of life experiences full of blood that I've been looking for. 

4.  Need to take my vitamins. 

Friday, November 13, 2015

Red-Headed Skuzz-Ball

Chief Objects of Attention November 13th, Friday day.

1. Coffee with Coconut Milk
2. Gloves with the Fingers Cut Off
3. Rye Toast

4. Women who Skip a Shower now and Then. Not many people understood this attraction of mine when I first discovered it around 1989 at a Barnes and Noble bookstore. "I was into women who skip a shower now and then before it was popular to be into them." There was one guy, a guitar player from New York City who came into the sandwich shop I worked at and also visited Barnes and Nobles. "YES OF COURSE I GET IT," he said. "You want that little red-headed skuzz-ball." I of course never characterized it like that. But I don't want to smash my face into the space between a woman's legs and smell Palmolive. It's just an orientation. I'm not making an objective value judgment or saying one type of woman is better than another. But there is something deeply Puritanical and unappealing about the smell of dishsoap. I never experienced romance with the little "red headed skuzzball,"
but she was inspirational.

5. Bags. I like to stay organized. Empty bags suggest possibility.